Halloween. Jesus, I am glad I work late and live in an apartment. No sticky-fingered kids and their pushy parents to deal with. No slutty teenagers to deal with. No freezing my buns off taking a cranky toddler door to door begging complete strangers for "something good to eat".
Who the hell ever thought trick-or-treating was a good idea?? I spent my childhood being taught not to talk to strangers, but it's ok to ring their doorbells and ask for candy??? Who thought that made sense? And I grew up in the 80s, when people weren't quite as creepy as they are now and neighborhoods were a little bit safer. I sure as hell wouldn't let a kid go knocking on doors these days. So many creeps out there.
Aside from the creepy strangers, there's the cost involved. Halloween costumes have gotten ridiculously expensive. What happened to the plastic masks that you couldn't see or breathe out of? And the candy- that's not cheap either. Well, you can go the cheap route and then be "that house with the cheap candy". Or, I guess you could be like the woman in North Dakota handing out written scoldings for kids being "mildly obese". I'm content to be none of the above.
And the candy- do kids REALLY need a pillowcase full of candy?? Sticky little bastards. And most of you parents are going to eat the majority of it anyway. Then, you'll justify it by going to the gym. Or you'll sit around and bitch about being fat. Great idea, send the kids out for hours to collect candy from complete strangers, then tell them they can only have 2 pieces a day- this is a holiday for asshole parents. 'Scuse the language.
Now, with all this said, IF I ever do have kids, of course I'll join the ranks of asshole parent on Halloween.
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