~* Reason #7: I Wouldn't Be Able to Get Drunk With My Neighbors *~

I'm not a big drinker these days, but I do have a glass of wine or a beer to unwind at the end of most days. Occasionally, I will indulge a bit more. Like last night.

My neighbors are crazy. Awesome crazy, not crazy crazy. But man, do they like to drink. Yesterday, I took over my apple pie and mini-cheesecakes, and then went to Miss Shirley's to help her carry over all of her food. Well, I thought I was just going to help her carry over the food. She poured me and K a drink- a cup of rum and a splash of Coke- and pretty much held us hostage until we drank it, while also forcing us to chug from a bottle of eggnog. When we finally made it to dinner, I had planned to just nurse a beer or two. Apparently, nobody else agreed with that plan. Most of the evening, I had a beer in one hand and a glass of wine in another, and a second bottle of eggnog was circulating.

I ended up stumbling back up the stairs into my apartment around 7:30pm, and I passed out on the couch. Passed out like a light. I woke up at 2am, but only because I was sweating like crazy. I took out my contacts and went to bed til about 8am this morning.

Even though nights like that don't happen often, they couldn't happen at all if I had a kid.

~* Reason #6: Health Problems *~

No, I'm not talking about the common cold or flu here, although I may address that at a later point. Here, I'm talking about serious, congenital, genetic, and/or terminal illnesses. The kind that break your heart over and over and over.

My best friend's little girl has a genetic disorder. She is 4 years old, and has had more surgeries than most adults I know. She walks with braces on her legs. She is developmentally slow. She has a weak immune system. She will have problems with her health for her entire life. She is completely happy and oblivious to any problems, and that is all due to the incredible amount of work her parents put in to keep her that way.

Day after day, they know all of the pain and suffering their baby has to endure. They know there is nothing they can do to fix it. They struggle with insurance companies constantly, and they are always weighing the financial options. Can we afford this doctor, or this procedure, or this set of leg braces? Knowing what they have been through, what they are going through, and what lies ahead of them breaks my heart and I'm not even related. I cannot imagine the heartbreak that comes with being in their shoes.

I'm not sure that I'd be strong enough to do it. To have a sick child, especially a terminally sick one. To spend holidays and birthdays in the hospital with them. To know how badly they want to run and play and just be like other "normal" children. To know that there is absolutely not a thing in the world I could do to make it all better. It's hard to even think about. And, selfish as it is, I'm grateful I don't have to.

~* Reason #5: Trying to Find a Babysitter *~

I'm not even talking about a daycare or date-night babysitter here. I'm talking about the general person-who-watches-the-kid babysitter.

I can remember being a kid, maybe 8 or 9, sitting at my dad's feet while he interviewed one high school girl after another, looking for one trustworthy enough to take care of 3 grade-school aged children for the summer. He always involved us in the interview process, but it was exhausting for us. I can only imagine how he felt.

Let's see the babysitters I remember- we had the gorgeous Barbie doll preacher's daughter. She was pretty awesome, but super religious. Her dad actually officiated my sister's wedding. She was always doing active things with us, but she kept trying to take us to Sunday school. Then we had the popular high school girl- I think for one kid, she would have been great. I don't think she was ready for 3 completely different personalities. The last one I remember was the party girl who lived one street over. She used to take us to her house so she could swim in her underwear with the boys in the neighborhood. My dad fired her for leaving our TV set to MTV's "The Grind". MTV was outlawed in our house.

So, how do you know who to trust your life to? I'm not exaggerating. A child is literally your life, in a smaller human being form. People can paint good pictures. I know tons of people who are awesome at interviews but suck as employees. People are good at telling you what you want to hear. They can even rig references. How do you know you're not going to end up on the news at the end of the day because you picked the wrong babysitter. And on the other, but no less heartbreaking end, how do you know your kid won't prefer the company of a babysitter to the company of it's own parents? This is some scary shit, and I'm not prepared for that, and I'm again grateful that I don't have to deal with it.

~* Reason #4: People Touching Your Belly *~

I chose this topic today because it's been in the news lately. Oh, you haven't heard? Here, read up.
http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/28/living/parents-illegal-touching-pregnant-belly/

I am not a touchy-feely person. I may occasionally want to cuddle or hold hands or be wrapped up in a hug....but more often than not, I don't. And even when these rare moods do strike, I can promise you I have never thought or said "please touch my belly". I'm not sure any woman anywhere has ever said those words. We are media-bred to be self conscious about our stomach areas, why would we invite someone to feel our imperfections?

But for some bizarre reason, the minute a woman begins growing a human being inside of her, people feel entitled to touch her. Family members, friends, even complete strangers. Why???? Why do people think this is acceptable behavior??? If it's not ok for you to touch a complete stranger with a flat belly, why would it be ok for you to touch a complete stranger with another complete stranger in her belly?? Honestly, I'm surprised there aren't more violent crimes against these unwanted touchers.

And since I'm on the subject of touching, what about people touching the baby after it's born? People are always touching babies- trying to hold their hands or kiss their cheeks or even hold them. And I don't mean people you know- I've seen it happen with random people in the grocery store. If I don't know you, why would I let you touch my baby? You could have just sneezed into your hand, and now my baby might get the flu, so thanks for the trip to the doctor. You have the herpes virus that carries fever blisters, and you want to kiss my baby? I'm sure it thanks you for the lifetime of awkward "it's not really herpes" conversations.

Point is, respect boundaries.